Tarot Spread ‘Why am I attracted to Jerks?’ by The Daily Tarot Girl

Today, I tried a Tarot spread called ‘Why am I attracted to jerks?’ created by The Daily Tarot Girl. This is a simple 3 position spread that gives you an understanding of why you are drawn to certain types of people or even a particular individual, what part of you needs healing so that you can stop attracting ‘jerks’ and how to break the vicious cycle.

I tried this reading for a client and would love to share my thoughts. If you are a reader and often find yourself or your clients asking the question, ‘Why do I always end up with jerks?’, I think this short and sweet spread will help shed some light.

For the purpose of this reading, let’s address my client as Lily. Lily is a smart and single, hardworking woman in her 30’s who has had many rocky relationships in the past and is still searching for the ‘right one’. According to her, she always ends up attracting these so-called ‘emotionally unavailable’ men in her life. She feels she is ready to give love and start a romantic relationship but is having a tough time finding the right match. She wonders where she is going wrong.

Position 1 – What draws Lily in? Queen of swords + 9 of swords (I decided to draw two cards for each position but you can draw as many as you would like or stick to just one card.)

Position 2 – Lily’s issue. Queen of pentacles + 9 of pentacles

Position 3 – How to change? Sun + 2 of cups

The first thing that struck me in this reading was the presence of the two queen cards which tells me that this has a lot to do with Lily’s divine feminine side.

I think Lily is drawn to emotionally unavailable people or those who are not ready to express their emotions because some part of her feels unappreciated and wants to be punished. When I see the Queen of swords and the 9 of swords, I see the need for approval from an authoritative figure in Lily’s life, perhaps her mom or a woman. It also turned out, Lily shared a very difficult relationship with her mother right from her childhood days. She recalled how hard it was to please her mom who would constantly make her feel like Lily was not good enough. Physical and verbal abuse was a big part of Lily’s growing up years and she constantly tried to win her mother’s affection and approval. I love how these two cards are highlighting this difficult relationship dynamics which originates from the mother but is now reflecting in all her romantic relationships.

Sometimes, due to early traumatic experiences, we get so attached to the pain because it is all we have ever known and experienced. In the absence of the pain-giver, we start seeking others who offer similar pain. In Lily’s situation, she was replaying her childhood role in all her relationships by seeking approval from partners who were not ready to open their hearts to her. Men who did not know how to treat her right. And somewhere, she took this up as a challenge because the child in her still wanted to impress her mother and win her affection. So nothing would feel more satisfying than to impress unavailable men and win their affections.

The second set of cards, the Queen of pentacles and the 9 of pentacles, showed me that Lily clearly has trouble accepting herself and knowing that she is enough. There is a lack of self-care and self-love. The Queen of pentacles and the 9 of pentacles are such high achievers. They nurture without compromising their boundaries. Lily must stop focusing too much on her personal failures and take into consideration all the things she has accomplished and how far she has come. She must learn that she is enough and there is no need to impress or win over anyone’s affection because doing this in no ways defines her or validates her self-worth. Look at that gorgeous woman in the 9 of pentacles card who is comfortable in her skin and will in no way, put up with abusive partners, because she knows what she deserves. She won’t settle!

Finally, the last set of cards drawn were The Sun and the 2 of cups. What beautiful imagery of these two cards! Notice how two people are facing each other and coming together in both cards. Do you see how these two cards are exuding companionship, mutual love and respect, and a happy partnership? Both figures are facing each other and are lost in each other’s eyes.

Lily must understand that a fulfilling relationship will come when both parties involved are ready to take equal steps towards each other and are unafraid of expressing their emotions. A good relationship will not have you chasing after a partner. A good relationship will not come with the need to prove your love or win the other person’s affection. The affections already exist. The two people involved only need to acknowledge and be willing to share them with each other.

Lily must work on healing her divine feminine energy, forgive her mother and make peace with the painful memories of her childhood days and understand that those experiences don’t define her entire life. There is no strict authority figure trying to inflict pain on Lily anymore. There is no need to prove to anyone, anything. And most importantly, Lily should rise above the thoughts of her shortcomings and appreciate herself for her achievements and gifts.

Early on during the courting days, she must evaluate her potential partner carefully. If he has trouble opening up emotionally and is not ready to explore the potential of a partnership, she must identify this and stop investing any further.

Hopefully, this brings some food for thought and clarity to Lily. But there are so many of us men and women out there who keep falling victim to such toxic connections because we have an unhealed aspect of us that is seeking closure and acceptance. If we can focus on healing this unhealed aspect and rising above the trauma, we will automatically bring a shift in our consciousness and will make more careful choices when it comes to choosing the right relationships for us.

Did you like this spread and enjoy the reading? Go ahead and give it a try or, if you want me to do a similar reading for you, send me a message here or write to [email protected].

Thank you for being here and have a blessed week my friends!

Sonnyaa Siingh